So Unalike, Yet So Meant to Be
by Kessy Kate
Summary: A poem of Brian's inner thoughts on everything that he and Justin have gone through. Please R&R!


Once we were,

but now we're not,

it was incredible,

better than I would have thought,

we tried so hard,

but we're so un-alike,

voices in my head saying,

just give up this fight,

no matter how,

I'd disagree,

inside I feel,

what you feel for me,

it was so fucked up,

so on and off,

you'd come back to me,

no matter how many times I'd brush you off,

I would show you through actions,

you'd show me through words,

to me actions meant more than a single uttered syllable,

until my lack of speech left you sad and hurt,

it was then you realized,

we were never tied together,

you were always free to go,

though I wished you'd be mine forever,

I hated that moment,

more than any I've ever had,

that feeling of helplessness,

mixed in with feeling unbearably mad,

I know as I lie here thinking of you,

you are off getting what you need,

what you deserve,

what's better for you than me,

I remember when we first met,

you looked so vulnerable and so shy,

after it was all over I had to do it,

I just hope I never have to tell you why,

I saw the look on your face,

as you tried hard not to cry,

you sharply turned away from me,

as tears fell freely from your eyes,

this didn't deter you one bit,

you we're going to get through to me,

fuck everyone elses warnings,

I'd be the man you wanted me to be,

we both knew it wouldn't be so easy,

mixed up emotions and feelings,

I never said what I felt,

but thats what kept you reeling,

you had this ever-present need,

to be around the one man,

who took from you what you willingly gave,

and I unknowingly took your outstretched hand,

for me it was a way of life,

I thought you wouldn't understand this,

and at first you didn't,

you'd sit at home and dream and wish,

but you caught onto my game,

sooner than expected,

you got under my skin like no one else,

with thoughts of you I was now infected,

no one, not even me,

knew what the hell was going on,

I knew I couldn't act on it,

I couldn't give you what you'd wanted all along,

I knew just that one moment of weakness,

could ruin it all,

if I'd shown you what lay beneath,

it would've broke down my concrete walls,

if only I'd known,

what revelations lay ahead,

I would've told you how i felt,

I would've said those words that needed to be said,

listen to me,

would've, could've, should've

what is, is now,

what is, is you and me,

only it's not you and me,

at least not anymore,

you finally realized,

you really did need something more,

I liked the way it was,

before that terrible night,

you meant more to me than anyone else,

I was ready to admit you were right,

then as you layed there,

lifeless, limp and cold,

I thought to myself,

"What if I never get to tell him what he deserves to be told?"

I remember sitting there,

for what seemed like hours,

for what I thought would be forever,

I would tell you I was yours,

but when you awoke,

everything changed,

you weren't the young boy I had met that night,

I felt almost estranged,

you were so much stronger and braver,

than you had been before,

and I found myself thinking,

"Does he even need me anymore?"

but appearances can be decieving,

and are only skin deep,

you were so much more fragile,

and so mine to keep,

I wanted to show you,

you didn't need to be scared,

I would help you along,

despite everything you feared,

I pushed you to be independant,

not needing anyones hand,

but I must have pushed you too far,

into the life of another man,

although I really wish it didn't,

it hurt me so bad,

to see you with him,

not caring that we'd lost what we once had,

you had made me see,

what I'd never seen,

you had made me be the person,

I had never ever been,

so I guess it did work,

I was the man you wanted me to be,

but I was far too late,

I was too oblivious to see,

what you offered,

was better than anything I'd ever had,

understanding, compassion, love,

but I was too confused, lost and mad,

I was always angry and someone,

but no matter how angry I got,

with you, you saw past that,

my little charade you never really bought,

and thats why I need you,

and why you need me,

we are so un-alike,

but we are so meant to be,

as I lie here looking at you,

thanking, whoever,

that we got a second chance,

a chance to make things better,

now you know me,

and I know you,

although you say the words,

I tell you through what I do,

and finally you understand,

why I can never say,

those three words you've wished to hear,

from that very first day,

I remember when we were apart,

I was so scared of what was to come,

thinking of what I'd say,

afraid if we crossed paths I'd turn and run,

and truthfully I was scared,

of what I feared before,

that you would change your mind,

that you wouldn't love me anymore,

and through the years,

our feelings began to unfold,

and you no longer needed,

what you once wanted to be told.


End file.
